


paint my own reality

by seektheinfinite, thisissirius



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-28 00:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8423077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seektheinfinite/pseuds/seektheinfinite, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: Robert fumbles for the window control. It’s barely halfway down before Cain snaps, “What are you playing at?”
  “I’m driving.”  Cain frowns. “Well you’ve started the car, but you’re not getting very far.”Robert has a moment, Cain helps him out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **siri's notes;** decided to co-author with mer when she combined part of my idea with hers. the last time went well, so we're hopeful this time will! i have a lot of feelings about cain and robert, CAN YOU TELL?
> 
>  **mer's notes;** So yeah this happened. I've wanted to write something Cain and Robert for a while and this sort of happened. 
> 
> enjoy!

Aaron is pulled awake. It’s not from the pain in his side, where he's now going to have another scar to add to the myriad of others, but because Robert’s currently thrashing about in the chair next to his bed. He’s fighting with the thin hospital blanket that the nurse had brought in when he had flatly refused to leave Aaron's side.

"Robert?!" Aaron shouts as loud as he dared. He doesn’t want to attract the attention of the hospital staff in case they decide that Robert really shouldn't be here after all. 

"Robert, wake up!" Again his plea goes unnoticed as Robert continues to fight with the blanket, kicking his legs against the side of the bed.

"No, no, Aaron, please don't leave me! Aaron!!" Robert’s shouting, loud enough that Aaron’s going to have do something.

He debates leaning over the side of the bed and simply slapping Robert awake, but that plan gets abandoned as soon as he starts to lean over, pain shooting through his side. There’s a book lying open on the side of the bed, Robert must have been reading it before falling asleep, so Aaron picks it up. He throws it as hard as he can, which in all honesty is pathetically bad, but enough to land heavily in Robert’s lap.

"Wha...Aaron?!" Roberts eyes fly open, immediately locking on to him. Robert gives him an obvious once over, no doubt making sure that he’s still in relatively one piece; finally his gaze settles on Aaron's face with a slight blush when he notices him staring back.

Robert leans forward in the uncomfortable looking chair to grab hold of Aaron's hand. He’s being soppy and soft, but he really doesn't care. He needs to touch Aaron to know that this is real; that his nightmare is just that. "You okay?"

"Funny, I was going to ask you the same question." Aaron smirks back, with just a hint of concern in his voice.

"I'm fine. I'm not the one with the lacerated liver." Robert’s reply is too quick and he can't meet Aaron's eyes.

Aaron sighs. "No, but you’re the one that was just having a nightmare, and judging from what you were shouting, I was in it. So do you want to try again?"

Robert shrugs. “It’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“Well, now I’m actually worrying about it,” Aaron snaps. “I don’t have the energy to drag this out of you, Robert, so please just tell me.”

“Aaron—” Robert starts, ready to deny. The lie is on the tip of his tongue, to pretend he’s fine, but there’s something about the way Aaron’s looking at him, the same way he looked back in the forest. Robert wants to tell him, he _trusts_ him, but he’s always going to want to protect Aaron. Averting his eyes, because he can’t look at Aaron and say this, he stares at his hands instead. “It is about you.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I figured that much.”

“Shut up,” Robert says. “If you want me to tell you, shut up.”

Aaron holds up his hands. “Fine.”

“I can’t save you.” There’s a pause, Robert swallows. “You’re stuck under that stupid steering column and I can’t get you out. The last thing that I see is you pleading with me to leave you. That’s something that I never want to do, never _can_ do. Please don’t ask me to again.”

Aaron doesn’t know what to say to that. Back in the car, all he could think about was Robert surviving, even if that meant that he wouldn’t. There wasn’t time to think about what that would do to Robert. “Robert—”

Robert sees the guilt in Aaron’s face and says, “I didn’t say that to make you feel bad. I don’t want you to feel guilty, because I’d have asked it of you.”

It’s something Aaron knows already, but to hear it said out loud makes him feel love and fear in equal measure. 

“Every time I close my eyes, you’re dying.” The only thing holding Robert together right now is his grip on Aaron’s hand. “I don’t know what to do.”

It’s said so low, so quiet, that Aaron almost doesn’t hear it. His heart breaks a little at the vulnerability and fear in Robert’s voice. It’s so out of character with what he knows about Robert; Aaron’s never felt that important to anyone before. 

“You just asked me to marry you,” Aaron says, squeezing Robert’s hand. “That means I have to stick around.”

Robert wants to say, _you almost didn’t_ , but can’t bring himself to. He feels raw enough already, without exposing his experience of that particular memory. 

There’s a pause where neither of them seems to know what to say, the silence hanging between them.

“You should go home,” Aaron is the first to talk. Seeing the hurt look on Robert’s face he’s quick to continue before he gets the idea that he’s not wanted. “Not because I don’t want you here. That chair alone would give me nightmares. Our bed has to be more comfortable.”

Whatever thrill Robert gets from hearing _our bed_ is negated by the thought of leaving Aaron even just for one night. “No.”

Aaron’s expecting the refusal, but he knows that if Robert thinks he’s doing something for Aaron’s benefit rather than his own, he’ll agree. It’s not something Aaron exploits easily, but this is one occasion where it feels right to do so. “I need you not to be here, because I need to know you’re going to be okay.”

Because he’s looking for it, Aaron can see the moment Robert shifts from refusal to acceptance. He sags, as if the fights gone from him, and he sighs. “I don’t want to. I want to be here with you, but if it’s what you want, I’ll go.”

“It’s not what I want,” Aaron admits, softer than he might otherwise. “It’s what we both need, and you know it.”

Robert does, is the thing, but that doesn’t make it easier to accept. He rubs his thumb across the ring on Aaron’s finger. “I love you.”

It’s new, having Robert admit so readily to what he’s wanted to hear all along. “I love you too. Promise me you’ll get some sleep.”

“I promise I’ll try,” Robert agrees. 

He almost breaks his promise waiting for the taxi; he wants to give up and go back inside, curl up in the god awful chair and have as many nightmares as it takes so long as he can wake up and see that Aaron is okay. 

 

 

Their room feels wrong. 

Just yesterday morning, it was full of promise and expectation and now it just feels empty. The towel from Aaron’s bath is in a heap on the floor, his wardrobe door is half-open and he’s left his charger on. They’re all things Robert’s chastised him for before, but today they’re reminders of just what he’d lose if Aaron hadn’t made it. 

Robert didn’t want to leave, but now he’s here, in their room, surrounded by Aaron’s things, he feels comfortable enough that the exhaustion overwhelms him. It feels weird to change for bed without feeling Aaron’s eyes on him, without the promise of more once they’re under the covers. Robert shivers, grabbing a hoodie from the chair by the door. It’s not until he’s pulled it on and climbed into bed that he realises it’s Aaron’s; it still smells like him. It’s not what Robert wants, but it’s enough of a comfort that he can sleep. 

 

 

Robert wakes violently, Aaron’s name a strangled scream in his throat. 

The duvet’s tangled at his feet, the cold air puckering the skin of his legs. He gasps for breath, tries to shove away the lingering nightmare of Aaron giving up, of sinking below the water. He finds himself leaning across the bed to Aaron’s side, hands reaching for something that isn’t there. The bed feels cold. 

Robert feels sick; he’s assaulted with memories of the crash, of Aaron stuck in the car, begging him to leave. He remembers Aaron taking his last breath, remembers _losing_ him, but he also remembers the hospital, of Aaron saying _yeah_ , of Chas and Liv. He doesn’t know which is real, wants to believe Aaron is alive, because he needs Aaron alive, but he can’t shake the feeling of dread. 

Before he knows what he’s doing, he’s out of bed and pulling on his trousers. He’s down the stairs, keys in hand, not two minutes later. His car’s out front — he left it at the barn, they were in Aaron’s car. He doesn’t remember collecting it, doesn’t remember asking anyone to bring it back. Nobody’s allowed to drive his car, not even Aaron, so he must have driven it home. If he was at the hospital, if _Aaron_ was at the hospital, it would still be where he left it. 

It’s only then Robert feels the cold. There’s frost on the windscreen and it takes him three tries to get the key in the lock. He sits in the driver’s seat, starts the car, and freezes; it’s like he’s forgotten how to drive. As soon as he touches the steering wheel, he’s back in that car with Aaron, underwater and unable to get out. 

A knock at the window pulls him from the memory. He starts and looks up. It’s Cain, and he doesn’t look impressed. 

Robert fumbles for the window control. It’s barely halfway down before Cain snaps, “What are you playing at?”

“I’m driving.”

Cain frowns. “Well you’ve started the car, but you’re not getting very far.”

“I just got in,” Robert says. It’s not like he’s been sat out here for an hour. 

“You’ve been running the engine for the last fifteen minutes,” Cain tells him, irritation obvious on his face. 

That’s not — Robert’s not been sat here that long. 

“Sugden?” Cain raps on the window again and Robert jerks up. 

“What? What are you doing out here?”

There’s an odd expression on Cain’s face. “A better question is what you’re doing out here at three am.”

Robert doesn’t care what time it is, he has somewhere to be. “The hospital will know whether Aaron’s alive or not, and I need to be sure.”

Cain leans in the car, grabs Robert’s arm. It’s not the action that surprises Robert, but the gentleness with which he grips. Robert’s startled enough to look up, sees the shock warring with concern on Cain’s face. “Get out the car.”

Robert pulls out of Cain’s grip. “No. I just told you I need to know about Aaron.”

“You’re not driving anywhere right now.” As if to emphasise his point, he pulls the keys out of the ignition. 

“What the hell—” Robert starts. 

“ _You’re_ not driving. I am.” Cain pulls open the door. “Shift over.”

Robert thinks about resisting, but this is Cain, who shoved him in the boot of a car and beat him near to death. He moves over before he’s even really thought about doing it. 

Cain climbs in and starts the car, pulling out of the pub car park. 

“Where are you taking me?”

Cain takes the turn at the end of the village sharply, throwing Robert against the door. “To Aaron.”

Robert wants to ask where that is, but he’s too scared of the answer he might get. The silence in the car gets unbearable, so much that Robert asks, “Why are you doing this?”

There’s a pause long enough that Robert assumes Cain isn’t going to answer. As they pull out onto the dual carriageway, Cain breaks the silence. “You’ve already been in one crash this week, did you wanna make it a second?”

“I was fine to drive,” Robert snaps. 

Cain gives him a look. “You’d had the car running for fifteen minutes. If you were gonna go, you’d have gone.”

“I wanted to,” Robert admits, not knowing why he does. “I couldn’t remember how to do it.”

As soon as he says it, he regrets it. Showing weakness in front of Cain of all people. 

Cain glances at him out of the corner of his eyes, and surprises Robert with his reply. “Not surprising, seeing as you almost died.”

“I didn’t,” Robert says. 

“No, but Aaron did.” Cain pulls off the nearest exit, towards the hospital. It doesn’t feel like they’ve been driving for long enough, and yet it seems to be taking an eternity. “You care about him.”

“I love him,” Robert says automatically. It doesn’t matter that this is Cain; Robert’s not ashamed of admitting that anymore. Especially not now, not even if —

Robert expects Cain to be uncomfortable, but to his surprise Cain just says, “I know.”

Any reply Robert might have given is forgotten as the hospital looms over them. Cain pulls into a parking space, but Robert makes no move to get out of the car. 

“You woke me up at 3am, I’ve driven halfway across Yorkshire to get you here.” Cain leans across Robert and opens the door. “Get out.”

Robert moves on autopilot, not bothering to argue. He’s shocked when Cain steps out too, locking the car with the key fob. He doesn’t say anything, just starts walking towards the hospital, looking back over his shoulder to make sure Robert’s following. 

It’s not until they’re inside, until they’re being told visiting hours are over, that Cain’s actions make sense. He stares down the duty nurse, a look in his eye that brooks no argument. “Unless you want another patient in this hospital, you’ll let us through.”

Robert’s not expecting it to work, but the nurse looks between them, gaze lingering on him more than he’s comfortable with, before nodding at Cain. “Fine, but not for long.”

“We won’t need long,” Cain tells her. Robert’s still processing the conversation when Cain grabs his arm and drags him down the corridor.

 

 

The doors all look the same to Robert, but Cain seems to know where he’s going. Something’s nagging at Robert, like he’s been here, but before he can figure it out, Cain’s pushing open one of the doors. 

“I’ll sort it,” he says. “Someone will be here to collect you in the morning.”

Robert doesn’t care; he’s staring at the bed, at _Aaron_. He wants to go in, but he’s afraid that if he gets too close, all of this will disappear. He takes a step forward, sees something glinting against the bed. Robert’s breath catches at the sight of the ring on Aaron’s finger. He reaches for it, rubs his thumb against cool metal. 

Aaron’s safe, alive, and Robert finally lets himself believe that this is real.

**Author's Note:**

> join us on tumblr; [mer](http://beyondthebridge.tumblr.com%22) and [siri](http://sapphicsugden.tumblr.com).


End file.
